aussierose: (chestnut)
I have really left this journal go quiet for way too long, but I guess it maybe time to get more involved in it. I have been battling Depression for a long time now, most of my life in actual fact but I keep fighting back as hard as I can. A lot has happened in my life over the past 10 years. I was a Registered Nurse who worked in Aged care, but my last two jobs ended very badly with me being bullied by my employers and my health broke down to the point where I had to leave work for good.
My health problems I thought were stress related, but I was diagnosed in 2005 with Multiple Sclerosis. It seems I have had it for a lot longer time but I thought my fears were due to anxiety only. I was 52 when I was diagnosed....now I am 56 but I feel glad that really I was able to function well up until I was 51 and now I am free from the bullying and nastiness that surrounded me when I was working. Yes..... I have a chronic degenerative illness, my balance is poor and my mobility restricted..... but I am better off than most people. I do try to see the bright side...... but I do still have my 'black' moments.
I used to write a lot in my on and off line journals..... but it has been a lot harder over the past two years. Writer's block has really made a huge impact on my life and that is even harder to deal with than the Depression!
aussierose: (Horses Calendar)
April.....
Well it was never going to be easy returning home after nearly 3 weeks at Camden House. The bathroom was still very much a work in progress and I was thrust into the chaotic life once more. Happily the bathroom was finished the day before Good Friday, but my family were spending the weekend with my 'in-laws and I wasn't able to use my bathroom until Monday! I am rarely ever happy down at the farm as the bathroom is not disabled friendly and I am struggling a lot more these days. I was much happier once I was to come home and I was thrilled with my bathroom.
Despite all this it was hard to readjust to home life! I think I enjoyed the peace and alone time I had at Camden House.... and I took a long while to readjust.
I was excited about returning to Myrtle Cottage, my diversional therapy programme and I was missed by my colleagues there. However I was struggling to get over the depression that was engulfing me! I wanted to write and enjoy myself writing in my journals, writing in my groups and writing to friends. However I was distracted by almost everything!
My younger daughter was preparing to move out and was pushing herself so much that we were all rather worried that she would end up exhausted. She needed a holiday and yet she was pushing herself even more vigorously.
May.....
A whole new month which has been speeding past at quite a fast rate! My younger daughter moved out just before Mother's Day and it has been very quiet ever since. I had a nasty fall last Wednesday but I survived with a very big bruise on my head.... I went to hospital to be checked out, but I was pretty much fine.
I have been spending a lot of time filling up my new I-pod with music from my CD collection and that has distracted me yet again! I will have to settle down with spending money for a while. We have been almost frivolous over the last month or so, but we have needed most of the things we have purchased.... new clothes, a new quilt for my husband and I plus a few frivolous but spirit lifting items.
aussierose: (Default)
I have decided to do a monthly or bi-monthly newsletter, although I am not sure if I can ever do it all again, like I used to. I used to write to over 100 penfriends and I started in the mid 1990's to write a monthly newsletter just to catch everyone up to my news. Those were the days when I actually felt that my news was exciting and worth recording.... as I reread those newsletters I can hardly believe that I was so self absorbed.
Now that I have Multiple Sclerosis, my whole life has changed and most of the things I got up to, I can no longer do! Of course I could become totally morbid about this, but I would rather find a new path to travel and so I am taking up a new challenge and I am pushing past the writer's block to write a little at least every so often. I cannot seem to concentrate long enough and I am easily distracted and I have lost a lot of confidence.
I have other journals, but I wanted to make this new one here at Dreamwidth an attempt to keep going with my life such as it is.
I want to use it to try and regain my lost confidence and to share my good days and bad days! I want to share my thoughts and feelings on my life, my illness, my activities, my family, pets, the state of the nation, on my life as a shut in (although I do go out from time to time) and lots of other things. So far 2009 has been a busy year and I cannot believe that it is May already!
Due to my disability our house has had to be changed to suit my needs and it has been a nightmare and my two dogs have been noisy and destroying the neighbours' sanity. In late January a new ramp was built from my back door and a new path laid around the side of the house. Then from March 16th our old bathroom was ripped out and a new one built with everything I needed now that I am disabled!
I needed to go to a place of respite whilst work was in progress and it had been a real struggle finding a place. Just 4 days before the work was to commence I found a place called 'Camden House'. It's really a Nursing Home hostel and it was to be home for me for nearly 3 weeks. I was nervously excited to go there, but as it turned out.... it was an absolutely wonderful experience.
I have been wanting to find such a place since I was first diagnosed, but it all seemed impossible for me. I really enjoyed my holiday, the staff at Camden House were wonderful, the food was great and I really felt restored when I went home.
Sadly when I did go home, the bathroom was still not finished and to be honest.... I wanted only to go back to respite!
We had the bathroom finished on April 9th, but the family left for my 'in-laws'' farm to spend Easter there. I didn't really enjoy my stay there, so I was happy to come home.

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